A day earlier, we hit a sunny 70 degrees in Indianapolis.
Disappointing, but not at all surprising. A review of my Minimed Carelink blood sugar data the night before my visit affirmed what I'd already knew: that I have been slacking pretty hardcore lately in my D-Management. Only in range about 44% of the time and going High and Low. usually higher in the morning and evening with nearly picture-perfect BGs from 11a-7p.
Labwork from the day before proved conclusively that my thyroid level is low, affirming my suspicion that this is a key culprit in how I've been feeling lately - basically a tired and less social version of myself that is less passionate and productive than normal.
We had some discussion about relative medical and health topics, talked about my recent Funky Eye Exam where retinopathy came up, then we changed some basals and tried to examine why exactly I feel burnt out so often. One theory was that my recent three month trial run on a Loaner CGM gave me a lot of data and helped keep me attentive, but it also zapped my energy level with BG overload.
We talked about depression and burn out, I talked up the Diabetes Online Community and how it helps, and we agreed that it might help to talk to someone else. Like, for example: ANOTHER PWD, who happens to work in that very same office - a veteran Type 1 who works there as a diabetes educator. Though her CDE duties may involve basics, there's the simple D-Meetup and just regular talking and support that is possible. Maybe that will help me sort through this burn out, along with the thyroid improvement and more sleep and overall stress relief. So, I'm excited about!
In retrospect, there was a lot about this Endo visit that didn't go well. Not surprising, as I haven't been feeling all honkey dorey lately. This isn't the worst that I've seen, but it has felt like the kind of serious burn out that I haven't felt in a while. I've been angry with myself and those around me, and have felt selfish and focused on my own needs and wants. As a result, I've slacked on my overall care and that hasn't helped anyone.
I blamed myself, but my Endo's words came back and reassured me that there's a light at the end ahead:
"I'm not blaming or judging," she said. "We just need to figure out how to help make you as healthy as possible. We can do it."
That comment was assuring to me, transforming what felt like a mood of disappointment and blame into one of hope and progress for what's ahead. A guiding light that's so important, because it's the kind of support we need from our medical professionals as we navigate this lifelong ride.