Wednesday, February 9, 2011

"I Just Don't Care"

Living With Diabetes is tough.

Constant blood sugar checks. Invading thoughts about what the numbers mean and whether that'll impact your day or task, and how so. Balancing snow shoveling or dog-walking with BG levels and what type of quick-acting sugar you might need to haul with you. Frustrations with insulin pumps, from low battery or refill alerts to wondering about whether the little speck of red near a cannula is hindering the insulin flow and causing your mood swings. Beeping Continuous Glucose Monitors. Math equations every time you consider putting food into your mouth.

To put it mildly, those daily routines can be overwhelming at times. We can drive ourselves nuts.

Diabetes doesn't give us a break, but sometimes we need a mental vacation - if even for a few hours every once in a while.

My slacking came on Tuesday, after a long day at work that only forecast what was expected to be an even longer deadline-heavy latter part of the week. Frustration with the D-Routine boiled over and pushed to the point where I just stopped caring at that point. I needed a night off.

A dinner-time blood test was 122 mg/dL. But that wasn't going to last long.

I was hungry and tired and stressed, and needed to just sit back and relax and not care. So, I ate a bagel-and-egg sandwich, munched on some oyster crackers, and enjoyed a cup of hot cocoa. Without bolusing.

Sure, I thought about it. But... "I just don't care."

Searching the cupboard later that night, I found a delightful surprise I hadn't planned for:

COOKIES.

While they weren't the girl scout variety, they were my favorite style: Keebler Fudgeshoppe Coconut Dreams. Mmmm.

I became The Cookie Monster, gobbling up each and every one that was in that package. Nine cookies. Every two translated to 17g. Some milk to go along with them.

But I didn't do the D-Math, because...

"I just don't care."

Tweeting about this, the desire for cookies festered in the Diabetes Online Community and several indicated that they'd also been craving some of these. Ah, my slacking is contagious, I thought!

Only once, did I think twice about my carnivous cookie-eating and Tweeted about this.

"Scarfing down those massive cookies w/o regard for accurate bolusing might not have been the wisest move in playbook. (sigh)."


But, that regret didn't last. I was convinced this was a needed break in D-Devotion.
A few hours later as bedtime rolled around, a blood test revealed: 342 mg/dL.

I smiled, and didn't regret my earlier eating decision at all. The cookies were awesome, and just what I needed. So, I corrected and went to bed.

Slept like a baby. (my wife may disagree, but my rest was peaceful - and I thank the cookies!!!)

Now, I did wake up to a 300 (indicating the cookies took me even higher during the night), but still that didn't convince me I'd made a regrettable decision. My sugars came back into the 200s and finally 100s by early afternoon.

This was a needed mental break, and I'm perfectly fine with just letting go every once in a while.

You don't own me, diabetes. Yes, I CAN eat that and I'm going to. Go screw yourself, while I eat some cookies.

15 comments:

fancy nancy said...

"hi, my name is meredith and i'm a diabetic cookie addict. i was one of said tweeters."

"hi meredith!"

Crystal said...

Noom, noom, noom! COOOOOKKIIIIEEEEESSSSSS!

Lorraine of "This is Caleb..." said...

All I can say is, I cannot believe you were only 356. I think that's completely awesome, if that makes any sense at all.

Donna ((Sweet Momma)) said...

I'm reading this going, He was ONLY 3-something after ALL THAT STUFF???" LOL Sorry - can't help the D Mama in me. hehe

I know what you mean, though. As T3 to my son there are times when we take a break. Of course I still bolus him when he eats, but as you know there are some things that all you have is a shot in the dark. Like the giant cookie covered in ice cream and choc syrup I broke down and let him have for dessert last night at the restaurant we were at. He wanted it SO bad... and I just couldnt say no. It was so EASY to just take a break from dilligence and say "Sure! You can have it... we will figure it out!" :)

He was 423 at midnight, and I was up every two hours last night dosing down. But it was WORTH IT to let him have that cherished dessert. :)

"D" as in "D" said...

I so appreciate you sharing this because I feel so guilty when I eat something high-carb, treat for it and still go sky high. I treat some more and eventually I come down, usually to a nasty low, but the guilt goes on and on. I carry so much guilt about this disease, it's like a heavy backpack I just can't put down.

Sarah said...

Dude. Righteous post. Those cookies were just asking to be eaten. And the milk absolutely necessary, as well. Sometimes, that's just how we need to roll.

Sarah said...

P.S. I just had a huge valentine's cupcake at work. Mmmmmmmm. I did bolus, but of course SWAG'd, so now doing the forced downward trend. It was worth it.

Siobhan said...

I'm sat here with a packet of chocolate digestive biscuits, working my way through them. I'm bolusing carefully so I don't stack my insulin and crash later. I'm not really keeping a count of how many I've eaten.

Sometimes it feels good not to care, for a few moments.

Sysy said...

I NEVER do that since 10 years ago...BUT...I did today. A bag of gummies and a box full of butter crackers made for three injections of 10 units each. And I'm still over 200. Now I feel like I have worsened my UTI (urinary tract infection...greeaat) Anyway, glad I'm not the only one who took a break...:) I just wish I didn't go so far...like, did I have to eat the whole bag of gummy worms, knowing I was almost rid of my UTI and knowing sugar and high blood sugar makes the infection worse? UGH! I can't win

Kelly said...

Oh man. Cookies are my enemy. Im glad you were "only" in the
300's....and Im happy to hear you got your break. Much needed and well deserved Im sure!!

Penny said...

You gotta live too Mike! Glad the cookies were good. Sometimes it just comes down to this. And it's OK on so many levels.

Reyna said...

JEEZ!!! I am with the type 3's...Joe woulda been in the "HI" category on his meter. I am glad you posted this, however. I am sure there will be times that he will need the "mental break" in his life. Mike...once again, I so appreciate your insight and your honesty. BTW...the GS variety of those cookies ARE.TO.DIE.FOR!!!! I am getting a few boxes in a couple of weeks - WOOT!

Kaitake said...

Hahaha - I'm eating a cookie as I read this! :P

Meri said...

We all need a break. I'm glad you gave yourself one, and didn't let guilt ruin it for you!

Bec said...

Sometimes you have to just say "eff it", I'll do as I please! Thanks for your honesty and sharing your experience Michael :)