Friday, December 11, 2009

The Marathon Mind Late At Night

It's 3 a.m., and this isn't a Matchbox 20 song. It's reality. My reality, as I sit up and watch the clock and fumble around online. Sleep beckons, tugging at my eyelids and forcing yawns every few minutes, but yet...

I cannot sleep. I won't. Instead, I wait.... And wait..... And wait some more.

For the time to do another blood test.

You see, the D-monitoring has trumped my sleepy-time tonight. That metaphoric kick in the head to get my health under control seems to have finally happened, and it's kept me awake tonight and many anight recently. It's addicting, wanting to get a that line to be as flat as possible without having the CGMS at your disposal. "Hey, if a DexCom can do it, SO CAN I."

And so, I'm a Human CGMS. Monitoring constantly to stay on key. Every half-hour seems a little much, but the couple-hour break is too long.... The compromise is every hour.

It's worth it. My readings have been outstanding. Like wicked-sweet outstanding. The kind where you could scarf down a GIANT CUPCAKE and not see your bg budge. That awesome! Sure, the occasional highs have crept in like squishy mouses slithering through a crack in the doorwall and festering the house. Mostly, I know why: inaccurate carb counting, missed or mis-cused bolus, site or pump issues... Still, they've few and far behind. My last A1C was too high, in the 8s, and it must come down. See, I'm 30. And I want to see 40. And 50, and beyond. Buzz Lightyear would want me to, so it's the plan.

A family is the reason. Life. Friends. God. Community. Being around those people and sharing in their love, and sharing that love with strangers in the world to make a difference, that's the point. My love of life is the reason. It's all too good to pass up, or leave too early if you can help it. And I can. Thanks to the modern era of D-Care we have at our poor-pricked fingertips.

The wife went to bed hours ago. It would be nice to be snuggled there next to her, under that soft warm comforter on a night dipping into the teens. But I can't. Not when the blood meter is taunting me, calling my name and challenging me to beat my score. It wants me to run around the block to drop my sugar, or raid the cupboard to raise it up, just so it can laugh at me for missing the target range. But no.... I won't be mocked. I will win, diabetes. Yes, I will.

I have an appointment with Dr. P next week, the last of the year, and I'm determined to make her happy with my progress in the past month. No longer will she be an Unhappy Endo.

Sitting here in my green chair, I anxiously await the next moment I can test. Lately, I've been hitting at least 8 a day. There's been times in the past couple weeks where I've done 12 or more. It feels good, knowing where I'm at every hour, and being in control. In a time when we have so little control over things, this is a great triumph.

The dog is dreaming, snipping and barking in her sleep. I move, she wakes up and is now staring at me. She probably wants to know what my bgnow is at, I presume... I'm sure the cat's curious, too.

You may notice that my late-night postings ramble.... Admit it. You love it. You wish it could be you. Why? Because there's motivation in these rants. An energy to get going. To re-engage myself in the JDRF Cause here in Indy. To write, newspaper stories and poetry and blogs and political essays and love poems and Christmas letters and pet biographies and diabetes outreach letters and church news releases and blood test results.... Whatever I can. Giving a late-night props to G (the wonderous NinjaBetic), I want to step away from the keyboard and write on paper with a pen. Just like I want to hold a newspaper, feel and smell it while sipping a steaming cup of coffee. Irreplaceable feelings.

Yet, even as those offline experiences are cravings at the moment, I'm in an online world and fully wrapped up in it. I've read so many blogs tonight. Written several to have on the backburner, also. Have done some legal newspaper writing, in advance of deadline. Outlined our Christmas 2009 letter that needs to get into the mail soon. Read JDRF sites, joined Juvenation.org and updated my TuDiabetes Profile. SugaBetic taught me more about the interesting Omnipod Pump and how intriguing it is.... And both she and Kerri (Six Until Me) got me thinking more about Vlogs, and whethr it's time to venture into that video world. Even found some new Twitter D-friends, and scoured the Web for Pirate-speak so I'll be prepped for the lively Tweets in honor of K2. I thought about venturing into the Left4Dead world, but opted instead for Resident Evil 4. What a time.

But now, that awaited moment has arrived. To step away from this keyboard momentarily and see what the blood meter proclaims this time around.

The result: 108. An hour ago, it was 120. Two before that, it was 119. Food came into this equation, too. I'm that good. I'm in the Zone. Like ESPN. Or EA Sports - it's in the game. But now, it must be done. Time for sleep. My fingers need a rest, and my eyes could use some catchup before the adventure begins again.

2 comments:

Sarah said...

I remember those nights of waiting to test bgs. Now I wake up to a CGM alarming and scaring the heck out of me and my husband.
Thanks for the shoutout, too! :-D

Sarah said...

Just a thought, when I stay up late, my blood sugar is affected. Sleep effects my need for insulin and I have my levels set for these routines.