Monday, June 13, 2011

Flying With Fishes, Sleeping With Birds

Uh huh.

That's right. Up is Down. Right is Left. And cupcakes just aren't yummy.

The world is upside down. My equilibrium is totally off, and I feel as though I'm running in circles trying to find an unknown destination without a map.

Now, it's not particularly connected to diabetes - most of the craziness is everything else in life. But a consequence of the storm damage is that my D-Management is completely off as well. It's not really that my diabetes has been cooperating, it's more to the tune that I have not been cooperating with my diabetes and have been totally slacking. With all the storms swirling in life, I've just not been up to doing what needs to be done. Depression begets depression, and it's just not something I've been really dealing with all that lately. It's really not all that impressive when I routinely see 400 and 500s at night before bed, and just nonchalantly correct before turning in.

I was pondering this recently, as far as how how High I was, and it dawned on me at the moment that I was 'Higher than a Roadie at Woodstock."

And that's just not where I want to be.

So, it's time to hit the mattresses.

Lately, I haven't been making adequate use of my insulin pump - who blog readers may fondly know as The Don of Rage Bolusing. That trend has become too frequent, and it's all on the back end because I haven't done the legwork up front to calculate and keep everything in range.

We're going in for the long haul. Most of this D-Slacking is a mind-game I'm playing with myself and trying to step away from. That means pre-bolusing before eating, correct carb-counting, and monitoring my activity and pump data to make sure everything is where it needs to be. Basal testing may soon be in order.

Basically, in keeping with the Godfather quote theme here: I'm going to leave the cannoli, and take the blood meter.

In discussing this whole D-Slacking concept via Twitter recently, Abby over at Six Until Me had an awesome mantra that I thought totally fit the theme for this post - she said, "Today didn't work, but tomorrow has potential!"

Abby, that's so totally awesome and how I'm going after this TODAY!

The past days haven't worked, but it's a new day and time for a change to happen NOW. Though I've been flying as high as the birds, it's time to make those Highs settle down - to the extent they need to be Sleeping With the Fishes.

Hopefully, that's an offer my diabetes can't refuse.

9 comments:

Lilly said...

Michael,
I'm sure I don't need to tell you that you need to get this under better control, or it will come back to bite you in countless ways. And for you, knowing this and never being able to escape the reality of diabetes has to really suck.

I know when I first started dating my husband, it hit me pretty quickly that he could never safely "take a holiday" from diabetes, no matter how much he wanted to, as he was already on his way to kidney failure. How hard that must be, especially when life goes on and you have to deal with other things as well.

Take care, and may today be a better day for you.

Lora said...

"Today didn't work, but tomorrow has potential" ~LOVE IT!

I only deal with diabetes from the outside and I feel the burn out more than I like to admit. I can't imagine what it is like to feel the effects along with it.

We all deserve a break even though breaks can be bittersweet when it comes to D. On one hand they refresh us and make us better, but with D... they can come with consequenses.

Reguardless... I think we still have to look the other way sometimes in order to keep our sanity.

Hang in there... dive down into the water with the fish today and kick some D ass!!!!

Abby said...

I know how tough a string of highs can be... It does get better:) and thanks for the shout out!

Denise aka 'Mom of Bean' said...

Ah, yes, the potential of tomorrow...need that point of view around here! Bean has been all over the map, BG-wise, since school's been out and we need to do some serious evaluating to get those numbers closer to where they need to be!

Trev said...

Yep buddy where the mind goes the pancreas or lack of pancreas will follow. Must say tomorrow does bring the promise of change, and I love the Mantra! Good Luck with Pump tweaking my friend.

Sarah Jane said...

((HUGS)) you'll figure it out. You are awesome. And I know I don't have to say I understand. And I will be sure to give you an extra hug considering, should I see you next week. (yay)

Meri said...

You go Michael! Grab Diabetes by the horns and show it what is what!

Last night as my hubby and I were laying in bed, I turned to him and said, "I have no idea how ANY of the boys are trending. I have NO idea what their sugars are doing."

I've been slacking too. I've been letting them do all their own checking and correcting. Sure they mumble their numbers to me...but seriously...I couldn't change a basal rate right now to save my life.

Today, I'm on it! Let's do this!

Kate said...

Oh Michael I hear ya, even though our situations are very different. I recently blogged about taking a one day vacation from diabetes, which I can do because I'm type 2 and not on insulin. It did wonders for my attitude and things have been better since then. The depression SUCKS! Hang in there, it will get better. I so admire anyone who is type 1 and pushes through and does the program. You're entitled to some "down time" but I know you'll bounce back. (LOVE the mantra! Thanks to Abby!)

Un-Apologetic Diabetic said...

I totally understand. That was me for so long. Hope you feel much stronger today, and know that we (the DOC) are all here for you. We are pulling for you!!!