Blurry Lines in the Sand
I’m standing on a beach.
My eyes look to the path ahead, a blanket of sand stretching out endlessly on uneven sandy terrain.
Moving forward is a must, but what I’m walking toward isn’t clear.
A horizon filled with water and sky sparkles like a mirage on the canvas way far away, calling for me to walk toward it. Despite my knowing I’ll never reach that point.
No clear distinction between them. Sky and water overlap, weave together like abstract art and colored with majestic hues of red, orange, yellow, blue, and pink. Where one ends, the other meets – but the eyes, the mind, can’t tell the difference.
Those two worlds collide, even though they’re part of the same picturesque horizon scene.
Maybe it's all in my mind, a mirage after all. Still, it seems like I should walk on.
But just as uncertain is the path ahead.
There’s a line in the sand, but it isn’t straight.
My steps may zig and zag on the undetermined route forward, marked by high and low points that will both be a part of my journey. One step may be here, the other there. Even as I move ahead.
A breeze blows, so even seeing where that line is drawn isn’t easy.
Blurs in the sand, my steps uneven, as I walk to a world collided. From a merger of worlds merged together in the sand.
Even more, I've only got one sandel to wear. Sandel wearing and barefoot, both define me.
Where do I step? Does it matter? Is one foothold the same as another? Does my journey’s end depend on every step? What do people think if I'm barefoot in a spot that is better suited for a sandel step?
Really, am I the same guy walking ahead no matter how I choose to step forward? Am I defined by my choices to step to the left or the right, with this foot or that, even if I must hop between feet and across the line to keep my footing?
Whether I'm professionally a beach walker or personally a vacation stroller shouldn't matter. Sometimes, I don't think it does. Other times it matters. But not everyone sees a distinction, just like I can't see the line or horizon before me.
Sometimes, I want to stop walking, because those blurry lines make me not want to put either foot forward.
Maybe this beach isn’t the vacation spot I thought it would be.
And these people around me aren't on vacation with me, but are holding me back.
It could all just be in my mind, a mirage itself, and there is no line and the beach is flat and it's a simple walk to the ocean nearby.
I think I remember meeting you in a deserted car park around 4.30 on a Saturday morning but I digress.
In quieter moments I often find myself musing on the same questions. Ultimately, I think there are very few people who set a course and stick to it. I think the best we can do is adapt to situations as they arise.
In many ways my life has not turned out as I had hoped as a wide eyed teenage student. That is not to say that it has not been fulfilling, just different. As we walk along our perspectives and outside influence are constantly changing our focus. What seems monumentally important today may well be long forgotten in just a few days.
In recent years I have tried to focus on enjoying the journey. While I have some long term goals and things I am working toward, I do my best to make each day as enjoyable and useful as I can.
I think of the "life-changing" events that have shaped my life in recent years. I remember the time spent with fantastic folk such as yourself. I remember being caught up in an airport meltdown at JFK. Road tripping across three states with complete strangers in a distant country..These are all events I would never have enjoyed if life had followed my original plan. Looking back these are some of the best things I have ever done.
Life has so many unexpected twists and turns. Things go wrong at the most in opportune times. Along the road however are many highlights and memories. Moments spent with friends and loved ones. Days of adventure and random happenings. These are moments to enjoy and savour.
The road is long with many a winding turn, leads us to who knows where, who knows when but I'm strong, string enough to carry him. He ain't heavy his my brother...and on we go