In Case of Zombie Apocalypse

Should zombies ever attack, I have an unlimited supply of weapons to ensure survival.

Here's why.

You may recall my recent post about my fight for and victory in achieving my three-month supply of One Touch Ultra blood test strips. Late last week, the nine boxes of strips arrived at my home. Finding the box on my porch when arriving home from work, I took them inside to investigate. Honestly, I expected some extra issue that I'd have to battle the insurance company or medical supply company about - I'm cynical like that. Inside the box, I found the nine boxes. The invoice told me that the 900 strips cost $813 total, which thanks to my insurance coverage only means a $25 co-payment for me. That's sweet.

However, there's more. In addition to the strips, Medco also sent me nine boxes of Lancets - lancets I didn't request or want and do not need. Of course, the statement shows me that apparently my insurance does not cover these lancets. So, that means I must pay the full $73 amount charged. To reiterate, for something I don't need. That's 900 lancets, on top of the hefty supply of several hundred already on hand.


A phone call to United Healthcare/Medco led to my learning that apparently my Endo had prescribed the lancets when putting in the Rx for my higher-than-normally-allowed amount of strips. Even though I hadn't requested them, and wasn't notified by anyone about this order being placed for me. Medco tells me they have a standard policy of not accepting any medication/supply returns, even in the event the doctor's office makes a mistake. In my mind, I wonder what happens if my doctor orders something like - I don't know, Viagra - and it's something I totally don't need or would ever use. And them I'm pressed with a massive bill, and can't return it. What the Fructose is supposed to happen then??


The amount will be put on my account, and if not paid it remains outstanding and eventually goes through the normal collection procedure, the rep explained. An appeals process exists for me to "ask" for them to review this return, but that takes a month to play out after they've received my appeal forms and that does nothing to change my account status or the balance owed.

Grumble. Grumble.

A phone call first thing Monday morning remains unreturned, and even a followup on Tuesday resulted in a receptionist's lecture about not duplicating messages. (zombies must have gotten to the person I need to talk to...) If I had to guess: I'd say it's protocol to order lancets along with strips - you know, because you're supposed to change the lancet every time you do a test. (Wait for it, wait for it..... HA HA HA HA HA!!!!)


Fine. Whatever. Though it's the principle of the matter in not wanting to be responsible for something I didn't order, these are lancets. It's not a huge amount, and my Flex does cover it. Plus, I should be changing them out more often than I do (pleading the Fifth on how often this actually does happen now). My Endo's office will know soon enough that it's NOT alright to do "assumed" ordering for me again, ever.

In turning to the DOC about this frustration soon after it happened, one ray of positivity came from Katie (@avisualtinkle). She said - "Well, think of it this way: If there is ever a zombie apocalypse, you could slowly kill them with itty bitty pricks to the brain."

I like it. As a Zombie Movie and Game fan, this just spells zombie-style awesomeness.

We even have widespread worldwide support of this idea, even from our allies over across the pond. Initial observations from some like Becky over at Instructions Not Included are that we could even make this work with pea shooters or blow dart weapons, firing the lancets at them.

As any George Romero fan or Resident Evil gamer knows, those zombies can be tricky suckers. All it takes is a blow or spike to the head, but they multiple like nobody's business so the more weapons the better... So, with that, I'm embracing that optimism and will keep my new Lancets. Because you never know when the zombies may attack.


Penny said…
Too funny. Well, not funny at all, it's just that when I think of lancets, I think I only need an Rx for about 3 a year - the quarterly changing of the lancets, right? :0)
Val said…
I just totally love "What the fructose" as my new don't-swear-in-front-of-the-kids curse.

Maybe you could develop a lancet-loaded Gattling gun to take down the zombies more rapidly? 900 rounds a minute ought to do it.
Carol said…
LOL on the zombie prickers! Maybe a few pricks would get to the zombies at the insurance company...or your doctor's office. Definitely an unfair situation for you to pay for soemthing you didn't ask for to begin with though.
Katie from SF said…
Oh my gosh! 9 boxes? That's more than I go through in a decade. J/K... kinda. Heehee. I do hope the zombies come so you can get good use out of them. :)
Judi said…
You know, I've gotten srips in the mail for a lot of years from probably every mail order company in existance and never once have they sent lancets. You should file a written appeal, also write to the state Insurance Commissioner about it. Mail order companies don't like to get copies of letters that were sent to the Insurance Commissioner.
Renata said…
I think it's pretty amazing that your doctor was proactive. (most aren't) Any way you can call him and thank him and then ask him to buy the boxes off of you? And to please ask you first next time?
Jonah said…
I get multiclix drums which makes changing the lancets way easier and I actually use one per test that way. With the regular lancets I think it's amazing anybody thinks you might use a lancet per check.

I wouldn't think the headache would be worth sixty three dollars of arguing, but that's your call.
Anonymous said…
Hi, came here from tudiabetes.

First, give your Endo a stern talking to.

Second, MEDCO has a policy that they are supposed to call you and verify any prescription initiated by a doctor.

Third, if you pay for your supply with a credit card company, I would call them and contest the charges. THEN, maybe MEDCO will be willing to take them back.

Finally, contact your Attorney General.

MEDCO has been screwing me around quite a bit lately, putting limits on the amount of insulin i can get each month, for instance; or not allowing me to fill a 90 day prescription at a pharmacy.
Unknown said…
I love your posts!


I hate this stuff. I got stuck with 3 vials of Lantus a year ago that I didn't need and the pharm REFUSED to take it back and refund us.

Anonymous said…
I'm not sure if you see the irony in posting this in your disclosure:
With that, please also note that the content is expressly my own Intellectual Property. I welcome your visits and reading of my material, but please provide proper credit and attribution if you choose to cite any of this on another website. If not, you may be violating Title 17 U.S.C. Section 101 et seq., and could be liable for statutory damages as high as $150,000 as set forth in Section 504(c)(2).

So, you're forewarned. Thanks for playing.

Unless you made that Zombie bag - you have just broken your own rule as that image is NOT your intellectual property. The least you could do is link back to the item at Zazzle. You know, provide proper credit and attribution and all that other blah blah blah...typical.

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