An Ant Trap for Diabetics

Early this week, we discovered an Ant Infestitation in our kitchen. They were climbing on cupboards, countertops, crevices in the sink, on the stove and wall, and appearing in freaky numbers inside a lollipop-filled ceramic cookie jar that sits on our counter. Despite frequent counter cleaning and spraying, it became obvious that the ants weren't going away and there might be more dubious behavior at work here. So, it was time to go Gibbs on these invading ants. Time to eradicate them from our home. There was only one thing we could do...

We formed our Ant Elimination Plan.

First, I engaged in counterintelligence recon and watched the Dreamscape movie Antz, in order to better understand their world and better enable myself to put strategery into place. Then, we stocked up on Ant Elimination Tools such as Borax, bleach, fresh ant traps, and counter wipes - complimenting the massive jug of HouseGuard bug killer already in our arsenol.

The mission began. Examining the various places in the kitchen where they could be entering our homebase, we discovered upon pulling the stove out from the wall that there was indeed an entry point they were invading through - our newly-built house from five years ago had settled, and the counter had slightly pulled away from the wall. This resulted in an apparent space behind our kitchen cabinets, and that was where they were coming in from.

We cleaned, scrubbed, washed, sprayed, and did hours of Ant Elimination Work each night to ensure they'd be gone from our eating and living spaces. We also sprayed outside beneath the siding for any possible entry points, and inside we laid sugary traps that they could take back with them to kill off the entire colony. It appears to have worked, but there of course was a catch - a price paid.

My D-Control was chaotic.

All of the intense cleaning activity meant more-than-usual exercise, Borax-laced counters that deterred the usual meals, and a disorganized kitchen that meant you could misplace important Blood Test Supplies in the mess. On the first night, we ate sandwiches for dinner and I went Low - into the 40s. It happened again the second night. One of these resulted in my thinking that I was being attacked by these ants, so the only way to get away was to stand on a little kitchen rug helplessly. A ceramic pot may have been broken, because those ants are powerfully muscular and moved the microwave and pushed the pot to the floor. We blamed it on the exercise and allowed the Skittles to rescue me from those depths.

Of course, this led to my being catapulted into the 200s, a "glucoastering" effect throughout the night, and little sound sleep. Being exhaused the next day, and having an equally-exhausting work day, I came home and became frustrated with the unorderly and Borax-covered countertops. I didn't eat dinner for the fear of leaving a crumb that would bring the ants back. So, I went upstairs for a brief power-nap.

Woke up three hours later. Low, to another test in the 40s. Skittles once again helped bring me up, with some Saltine crackers and cheese to lay a foundation.

On Thursday, in getting ready in the morning, I found myself navigating around the mess on the kitchen table and countertops and managed to walk out the door without my blood meter kit. No meter, no insulin. Just the lunch, which I'd remembered to take from the fridge. Once again, the ants played a part in this.

Reflecting on the activity, one consistent memory comes to mind each night when the treachory was likely afoot: our Shadow Cat was perched underneath a table, peering at us with disgust probably imagining our demise. I'd be willing to bet that it was the cat's doing that these ants were in the house in the first place. After, we've known for a while that cats are plotting World Domination and it's only a matter of time before they strike. I wondered if Shadow took the initiative to organize these ants into an army, for the sole purpose of screwing with my BGs... Hmm. If this a piece of the larger World Domination Plan, she carried it out like a pro. Some in the Diabetes Online Community spread word that they'd had crazy weird BGs during the week, and that exhaustion in their own D-Lives was interfering with good control... This could be a sign that the plot is being carried out on a larger scale. I've recently uncovered a secret rebellion document on How To Tell If Your Cat is Plotting To Kill You, and the answer is clearly Yes.

Clearly, these cats will go to any length. This includes setting Ant Traps designed to lure in People With Diabetes so that we leap into action, don't eat, let our BGs go low, and just lose a sense of our control. We survived this round of plotting cat attack, but we must always be on guard. Their World Domination Plot appears to be at hand. It may just start with the Ants and a pack of Skittles...


Jim said…
Might explain the flying ants I am starting to see. Maybe my one cat isn't really trying to kill them but rather organize them into a small army. I better keep my eyes open.
Judi said…
Don't blame the cute and cuddly grandcat for the ants. She can't help it the ants got in. She is innocent..
Kerri. said…
I seriously can't get over how much your cat looks like my idiot cat. :)
Karen said…
Oh the blasted ants. Thanks for the reminder that it's time to put ant traps in my pantry. We seem to get them every year no matter what.

Best ant hint I've ever read? Put down a shallow dish of water, and then put you cat's food dish in that. No matter what we did, we couldn't stop the ants from coming for K.C.'s food, until we made the mote around it! Seems the one thing ants can't do is swim!!
Anonymous said…
Stupid Ants!!

Hope that it sticks and that the suckers don't come back. I've had the same deal with lows the last week (from moving and cleaning, not from ant invasions.)
I just stumbled across your blog and I love it.

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