Saturday, April 17, 2010

Crashing Into Uncertainty

Crashing.
Into the shivering waters of uncertainty
Where Low is the only height to achieve.
Trickery tricks me into thinking.
Comprehension Exists.
Crashing beyond.
Common it becomes.
57. 36. 43. Fearful figures.
Cloudy vision casts into sight.
Warped memories invade my mind.
Crazy conversation steals confidence.
Can't escape
Clouds of Uncertainty.
Lower than they should be.
Craving-carbs, but cashless.
Quick surge needed.
Until I can soar higher
Toward safety, sanity.
Comprehension.
For now
Causes completely unknown.
A combo of two, maybe one.
Mixtures soaring too high.
Catapulting me downward.
Into a wave of uncertainty.
Change is needed. Now.
Certainly.
That's the only certainty.

4 comments:

Fat Cat Anna said...

Hang in there! Oh, and always have some Dex4 or juice boxes handy - that way - no $$$'s - means no panic attack of being able to forestall going lower (been there - done that).

Now, if only I could write poetry like you! Gold star to your forehead - thump (soft one).

Anonymous said...

i am the parent of a 22 year old guy, diagnosed at 2. over the years, i've imagined that i have actually shared this life with him on a daily basis, through most everything his youth and young adulthood has brought us... even if i'd like to imagine i have been there -- i haven't. i'm on the sidelines. he recently phoned home from college during what i believe to be one of the worst lows of his life, and his sentiment afterward was much like you have expressed here.

my love and admiration for him is limitless and indescribable as any parent feels most likely. but as a parent of a lifelong type 1 baby, child and now adult, i am heartbroken that, after all these years and all this trust and sharing and commiserating with him, i still have no clue what he goes through every day. i've fooled myself in thinking i understand and you know, Michael, that's impossible -- parent or not...i'll never know and am reminded of this by your poem and his infrequent sharing of certain sentiments on living with diabetes. how heartbreaking that is for me. corny as it sounds, he is forever my hero no one else will ever compare in my eyes.

thank you for sharing your perspective. please stay well Michael.

believing in a cure,
(A Mom from CWD Forum)

Mike Durbin said...

Your poem reminded me of something I wrote last year, and I wanted to share it with you.

An Uncertain Crossing

Mike

Anonymous said...

Mike: I'm just seeing this today. It's really good! I liked it very much. I've always wanted to be able to feel what Steven is feeling. I know I can't ever do that completely but your poem helped me to get a little closer to what he must feel with diabetes
__________________
Becky, Mom to Steven 9, dxd 7/04 MDI humolog and Lantus, Harry 11 non-d